Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
