You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
