He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
