I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We named our party play list daddy issues
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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