id be glad to
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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