Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
