how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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