Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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