My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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