She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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