Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize