the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
