That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
