Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
