Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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