My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
