I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
