Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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