Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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