this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
