Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
