the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she peed on how many people?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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