What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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