i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
