he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
