I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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