you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
