OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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