Don't make out with my wife yet
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
