Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
