The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
