He kissed a someone with a penis
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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