he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm just crazy horny about you
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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