the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize