can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
