I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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