if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So vagazzling was a success
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
