3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
