i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
