In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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