I think my vagina is haunted
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
