It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
