i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
