tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
