That's intense
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
