im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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