trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
