M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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