i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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