Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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