I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
