OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
