K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
