Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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