why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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