Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
bring money and cleavage
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
