I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
sarcasm needs its own font
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
