Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize