Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
