I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
