My hand turned me down
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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