when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
