If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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