Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
