We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
