next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
