So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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