I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
