You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize